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Life is so cruel and unfair...

My outside problems (what me and the world should care):


I felt so fed up with the world for the past weeks (even now I'm sure). What am I doing with my life?

World issues, the politics, the social problems, the religious problems, my education, my parents, etc..


My inner problems (inside my head aka my brain constant nagging):

We will never know if the news that we see on TV are real or not. Or whether our opinions and actions are the right one or not. We will never know. Whether it's a mistake or not, we will never know. I just hate this kind of anxiety. Since I was young, I always have this problem of how to cope with the real world. Not everything in life is the same as in the movies or from fairytale. Even now. I still can't believe that this is the world that we're now living in.


Probability and what if? moments sound so negative to me. Every day, I try to see them as good opportunities to be more daring, to be more courageus, to be not so afraid of life. Yes, things can be a downward hill but...you have to live you know, somehow. And that is LIFE. If you're not being able to accept the dark moments of life, you will never get to appreciate the BEST moments in life.





I jus love this statement so much. It's something I always thought about. That life has a lot of different sides. You can pick whatever color you want. In the end, it's you who gets to decide what color(s) that you want to use or follow. Of course, this statement is pretty much an open-ended statement. But I hope that life's problem will not get too much into my head that I could lose my sense and rationality. In the end, it's you that live the life. (Of course, I use the Arashi's reference because they trully are (honest!) my inspiration in how to get through life.


As humans, we always need a constant reminder because we always forget. And that's okay. I write all these posts in order to remind myself what's important in life. So far so good ^0^.



PS: Sorry for not making any sense. 
Okay, I just need something out like right now or otherwise

No, I'm not okay. I'm definitely not okay. I've never felt so depressed like what I'm feeling right now. For the past few weeks, I've been having this weird and god awful feeling. I was and am not motivated to go to school, to do my assignments and on top of that, wherever I go meet people, I felt so annoyed. Not because of them, but because of me.

I tried to distract myself with animes, fanfiction, prayers (yes I do practise a religion), exercises, do my languange learning and even eating cannot cope with my sad feelings.

I'm sorry if I'm not making any sense. I just finished crying and I think I'm gonna do it again while I'm typing this.

I know living in a foreign coutry is hard already. Not being able to speak the languange fluently frustrates me af. Just now, my landlord entered my room (which was messy and untidy becuz I was cleaning up some stuffs before she barged) for a room check-up. I already feel bad enough about today's sh*t and she just added some more fuel to my feelings. Like I was not cleaning my room and toilet and bla bla bla bla.

The worst thing that happened to me was that I was trying my hardest to explain in French and she didn't even let me. So, when I switched backto English, I realized that, for that moment, my English was terrible. Maybe because I was fed up with myself before she came, that I couldn't think properly. So I just stood there, listened to her "nagging" if I could say that.

And after she left, all hell break loose. I cried and cried and cried for a good 30 mins I guess? Idk, it felt really long.

And now I feel homesick. I want to return to my country, to see my families and hope that it will make me feel better again.

Even before all the crap above happened, I called both my mom and dad. You know what? I still feel f*ck up. I wanted to say to them that I was sad, or I don't want to live here anymore. I just can't. I couldn't bring myself to tell them.

(Sigh), sorry for posting such a depressing update. I still have one more year to go and I can't wait for this summer vacation to return back to Malaysia.

I wish I have more friends you know. But I don't trust people so easily because of my past experiences.

Again, sorry if you have to read this or if you don't understand what the hell I'm talking about.

And thank you if you read this. I don't know where else to vent my frustrations out. Maybe the internet is a safe place for me to do so. Maybe not.

Anyway, ciao....

A day in my life (which is kinda boring!)

Hey guys,

Wow, it's been like forever since my last post here in livejournal.

Nothing exciting going on with my life. The usual everyday university's life (sans the parties). I've been pretty busy with assignments, classes, etc etc... So far my Japanese learning is put on hold. At the moment, I need to focus on my French studies. It's already hard enough to practise English and French at the same time. But hey that's life and I'm just a normal human being. Your brain can't handle that much excitement.

My resolution for the new year: Just get serious with everything that you want to do and continue doing it. (Pretty lame, I know and it's pretty vague too)

What else can I say.....Oh, nothing...

Sorry guys, this has been one hell of a boring post.

PS: This maybe late, I just wanna say,
"Happy Birthday, Sakurai Sho-san!!! Thank you for being the most amazing and wise idol that I never knew existed"

Have a nice day!!!

My thoughts on Kamen Rider Ex-Aid...

Yo!

This is gonna be a quick post. So, I just watched episode 11 of this great masterpiece (debatable, I know). Anyway, I've never been so frustrated in my life (after Kamen Rider Ghost, especially on that particular character and it starts with a the letter 'A" BUT that's a whole different story), my thoughts are, "Why can the four of you be friends, already?" and "Quit, with the internship bullsh't already, Hiiro!".

I can't....I know it's a kid show so the friendship theme should have started already by episode 7 or 8 but NO!!!! It still doesn't happen yet. I hope by the next few episodes, they WILL BE FRIENDS!!!

Okay, I'm done. Still love all the episodes that they came up with, BTW.

I'm just so DAMM FRUSTRATED that they still can't along with each other. Seems like Emu and Kiriya are starting to become comrades. Which is good...Maybe I should be positive (consider that every characters has their own dark past or unknown past, idk) and we will see in the next episodes.

Alright, I'm gonna quit whinning and resume being a procrastinator now...

See you next game!!! And happy holidays everyone (wave my arms in the air like I just don't care)!!!

Gloomy Monday

Today is Monday and the weather is not cooperating with me T-T

It's so cloudy and dark outside.

Ugh, I hate cold weather!!!

Thoughts on Life

It's almost the week-end and I'm lazy AF. So I thought I should say something since I have the time to do so.

This week has been...surprising. Social medias like Tumblr and Facebook are mostly about the aftermath of the American election.

I know that many people are angry and furious about the result. But I just wanna say, PLEASE, stay calm and don't get yourself injured or in danger of any kind.

I say, DON'T and DON'T I say, do something that you will regret later in your life. I'm not saying this specifically for the people in the US. But I'm ALSO saying to the people who maybe need the support right now.

Maybe my words don't seem relevant to you. Me, coming from a stranger on Internet. I mean, who am I to you?

Maybe I don't have any relation to you whatsoever. Maybe I should mind my own business, you say.

In the end, what all I was trying to say is that, there's always someone who got your back. Whether it's from a stranger or from someone you know. It's not the end of the world :)



PS: Glad I got that all out. I've been thinking about this ever since the result of the election came out.
PPS: My Arashi album hasn't arrived yet T_T
PPPS: And I also broke my promise that "I will not listen to the album until my copy arrived" and guess what happened after four days? Can't wait for Kamen Rider Ex-Aid tomorrow!!! (rewatching from ep2, yeah, I'm slow)

F*ck I'm so scared right now..

I'm not American but why I feel so scared for the people in America..

Just when you think that the world is gonna be a better place, suddenly one frightening person changes it all.

All I can do now is pray and hope for the better world.
No...I will not be tempted to listen to Arashi's new album, "Are You Happy?"....because I'm waiting for my copy to arrive and I will not ruin the surprise by myself...HELP T-T


PS: They just shipped my copy like 2 hours ago..I mean please, arrive on tomorrow, please...

The weekend is finally here!!!

Nothing much. Just happy to finally have a break from a week of school.

I'm so tired...Come here, Saturday :)

Maybe I should watch Kimen Rider Ex-Aid....he...he...

We'll see.

Ciao everyone!!!

School is...

Today is Monday and I'm about to go to my school.

God, why can the weekend be a little bit longer???

I don't hate school but I don't love it either. I mean it's a place where you can learn a lot of things but the downsides are plenty...

Sorry, I just feel dreaded to go to school today. Maybe I should skip it?

Nevermind, I'm going and that's final. Have a good week everybody!!!